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Another Untitled story
#1
I really am not a fan of posting what I write much. It's usually a jumbled mess of unrelated thoughts and dreams, but to get better you need feedback and people I know personally are not readers. They are bit of everything else. I am working on a couple things. This i gave up on because it seemed so convoluted but I am revisiting it again.

There are some explicit areas in this short story. Take note "Lust the Whore" as a character does  have a sexual purpose in the theme. If you are under age or find sexual themes derogatory do not expand spoiler. Thanks for everyone that takes the time to read it.

'Untitled Story' warning <Explicit>
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#2
Not having any quotation/speech marks made it difficult to follow at times but otherwise an enjoyable read. :)
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#3
Quote marks...In my mind those just dont compute...suggestion noted and soon to be edited.

Thanks for the feedback.
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#4
I would have wished for a "18+" rating or something of similar kind, before reading.

I see quality in this and in your writing style. I also feel confused, but with a piece set up in a way like this one, that is to be expected.
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." (C.S. Lewis)
For the time you're laughing, there's nothing wrong in the world. (Colin Mochrie)

If it's funny, make sure people laugh. If it's not funny, make it funny (unless it's actually really serious). (silvercheers)

Please don't spell my name "Yamina-chan". It's all small. Thank you =D
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#5
I added a stronger warning.

(06-08-2015, 01:26 PM)yamina-chan Wrote: I would have wished for a "18+" rating or something of similar kind, before reading.

I see quality in this and in your writing style. I also feel confused, but with a piece set up in a way like this one, that is to be expected.

Thanks for the feedback. It's a piece of a work in progress. So there is no background which would leave any reader confused. I took the piece I like the most because I am hoping to use it in a second project that will have cards or a TCG incorporated somewhere. This story introduces one of the preliminary antagonists and will explain his nature as such.

That is pretty much the only sexual part in the first 3 chapters. I don't want it deemed as erotic but I do want the reader to scratch there their neck/head at little and think a lot on what may happen.
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