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The Laws of Hackquisition - Printable Version

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The Laws of Hackquisition - DerVVulfman - 05-05-2011

Rummaging around, I found some old comics that actually revolve around a group of guys playing classic pen-n-paper RPGs. Yes, there is such a comic. In between story arcs, I keep coming across some funny stories and articles. And here is another for your enjoyment:


THE LAWS OF HACKQUISITION

  1. When in doubt, HACK!
  2. Nothing beats a big, honkin' sword.
  3. Dragons are never to be trusted (see rule #1)
  4. Hack first, don't bother with questions.
  5. You aren't evil unless you think you are evil
  6. Bows are for wusses and elves (see rule #2)
  7. Anything with multiple heads is BAD!
  8. When given a choice between gold and items - take both. Hack makes right!
  9. Never trust a GM. Smiling or otherwise. EVER!!!
  10. Half of everything the GM says is made up and the other half can be overturned by Hack! (see rule #9)
  11. If you don't understand something, then it must be destroyed.
  12. Don't put off till tomorrow what you can hack today.
  13. Liches suck no matter how you serve them.
  14. If you disbelieve it, then it doesn't really exist.
  15. It's never good to die on an empty stomach.
  16. You are never outnumbered when you have the conga line of death on your side. *
  17. Anyone who earns their hack on you or exposes their weak side is inviting you to hack them.
  18. Never turn your back on someone or expose your weak side. It's just an invitation for them to hack you
  19. He who hacks first - hacks best.
  20. He who hacks last, loses out on experience points and treasure.
  21. Never walk away from an opportunity to hack.

--Matthew Fay

* The conga line of death is when you are in a dungeon environment and face numerous opponents. Take two fighters and station them just inside a doorway. The monsters cannot utilize their greater numbers and are hacked to pieces one at a time by your fighters in the doorway. Sometimes it is nice to have a cleric behind the fighters for emergency healing.


RE: [Nonsense] The Laws of Hackquisition - Agckuu Coceg - 05-05-2011

You forgot Rule 34: If site exists there IS HACK of it.

RE: [Nonsense] The Laws of Hackquisition - Hybrida - 05-05-2011

Number 4 and 11 are the ones I love. Very funny stuff.