I really am not a fan of posting what I write much. It's usually a jumbled mess of unrelated thoughts and dreams, but to get better you need feedback and people I know personally are not readers. They are bit of everything else. I am working on a couple things. This i gave up on because it seemed so convoluted but I am revisiting it again.
There are some explicit areas in this short story. Take note "Lust the Whore" as a character does have a sexual purpose in the theme. If you are under age or find sexual themes derogatory do not expand spoiler. Thanks for everyone that takes the time to read it.
'Untitled Story' warning <Explicit>
Characters: Pride the Anarchist and Lust the Whore
"For what it's worth, I never meant for this to happen to you, seeing you twisted in this way. I just wanted him to admit it to me, that he had a hand in this all. He played my emotions and denied me the truth. You must understand by now, that he wished to save you by sacrificing me. As you said he could always make another in liken to himself, but you could never be born again. What he calls a sin I merely saw as protecting you where he could not. He is angered because I saved you by sacrificing you for this chimera, one child fallen by the hands of another yes, but he was more than willing to sacrifice me was he not?"
"Why couldn't you just be happy with me as your sister though and not as your amusement. I think that I would have been better off dead then as your play thing." She replied trying desperately keep her emotion just beneath lips.
"Don't think such things or speak them into reality on a single valuable breath. I don't see you as my amusement. My reasons were to save you without sacrificing myself. At this point, I just hunger so..." He replied, with beads of sweat on his neck and lips wet and tense.
As he kneels at her feet, he rises, head and hands tingling up her thighs, with the scent of her calling him to her lips, that incessant hunger urging her skin to be upon his. She writhes in agony trying to ignore her own pleasure at his touch until the urges fade and she remembers the brother he once was and pushes him away.
"Wasn't I worth enough to you as sibling to satiate your gluttony. Oh what does it matter. We've gone through this little game so long I can't even remember how it all started. So please, Just go... end this meaningless diversion." She replies cringing staring at him coldly.
"Game...diversion, you consider this all sport, for whom...Father? He is playing these games with our lives, when his is the only one that can't just be snuffed out. Heh, unless he in his own folly designed an end for himself..." He replied, with a subtle grin at the keeper of eternity designing a death. Thinking to himself - maybe to escape the boredom.
"Now you are speaking nonsense."
"I will go now, but don't you even care why he called us siblings when we barely share such a bond with him to call him Father. If he were such a thing so precious to us wouldn't he as a father take the time to name his children." He replies staring off into the mountains.
Lust stares at Pride, and thought to herself what could her brother be thinking. The thought of a name never passed behind those eyes of hers even once. What was such a thing but a meaningless label to lesson one's value. Even to call them son and daughter cheapened their value because even as father he valued them no more than as commodities. He had not birthed these two. He had not sewn them into the loins of a beloved. He crafted these of grace herself, sacrificed of his own to make them real. What were names to dolls filled with intention but toys who served for sentimental weakness and nothing more.
"Shouldn't a father take care to name his precious children if he truly cares for them and wishes to see them grow strong and survive."
"Dont play the fool, that should tell you that he did not care for us." She replies frowning at the inherent loneliness they experienced.
"You are confused, I was only speaking of myself."
"What do you mean? Only this wretched form has a name, named for that sin that gave me life, just as you. These 'names' will suffice for we orphans cast away by a parent filled with grief."
"If you have embraced Lust and cast off Father then what was the reason for you denying me before. Lust is not my sister and Pride is not her brother. If you think that I am Pride, the Indomitable one then you remember that he who forged the Sins set you as the consort and I as the Anarchist. You can't pick and choose the precepts you follow, every Sinner has their own. Be the Sinner or Saint, but you have to make a choice. At least you have one to make. " He replies looking at her from neck to feed imaging the possibilities.
"What does that mean, I have no choices. I am slave to him not daughter, just as you are. "
"Then open yourself to me, I will give you no more pleasantries as wife. If you are indeed Lust, there is nothing so sacred that you would need to fear my touch or stay my hand. Be my feast on this last day that I am prince, let the leaves of your sweet fruit be my crown with which I ascend."
"Ugh..." She replied closing her eyes to free her mind from the experience of her body.
She who claims herself to be the Whore of Heaven took wrapping in hand to bare her virginity to Pride, as Lust. If she was true to her indulgence 'virginity' in her was of no value and had died long before. Pride smiled devilishly as she shivered pulling away her robes and dress. Pride's smirk was so unlike him, devious and cold. She could not imagine the creature he had become laying hand on her. It sickened her more than the thought of actually bedding herself with her own brother. It was grotesque to think of his hands against her skin feeling his excitement as he lay against her unclothed. The warmth of his breath as he lay against her made her seize up with emotion as beads of sweat rolled down her face as he held her close to him. As he lapt it up, her moist emotion bore of his touch, she could feel his heart beat rushing faster and faster. Even her supple breast tensed up, and he smiled as her hardened nipples corressed his chest. Her whole body reddened under his weight as he laid against her body and she felt him as he grew ever more excitable. His pale skin had nothing of color, but even he began to sweat from the heat. It made her skin crawl and her eyes overflowed with tears; tears she hoped would one day wash away the shame.
"Heh, heh, heh. You can stop your tears and open your eyes, your mind is playing tricks on you." He replies with a big smile.
When she opened her eyes, Pride was standing several feet away fully clothed, smiling at her shivering lost in a nightmare.
"You truly are cruel, to ask such a thing of me and then laugh at me." She replies clinching her thin dress in efforts to hide her naked body.
The eyes that were only moments before the watching glass of the Anarchist grew gentle. She quickly covered herself as he reached to wipe away her tears.
"You see, I am not so cruel. If I were really anything like him I would have not been satiated with your intent, I would have wanted to see how far you would go even if you consider my touch so distasteful." He responds cradling her tearful face in his hand wiping aware her rush of tears.
RE: Another Untitled story - MetalRenard - 06-04-2015
Not having any quotation/speech marks made it difficult to follow at times but otherwise an enjoyable read. :)
RE: Another Untitled story - BeJeremiah - 06-04-2015
Quote marks...In my mind those just dont compute...suggestion noted and soon to be edited.
Thanks for the feedback.
RE: Another Untitled story - yamina-chan - 06-08-2015
I would have wished for a "18+" rating or something of similar kind, before reading.
I see quality in this and in your writing style. I also feel confused, but with a piece set up in a way like this one, that is to be expected.
RE: Another Untitled story - BeJeremiah - 06-08-2015
I added a stronger warning.
(06-08-2015, 01:26 PM)yamina-chan Wrote: I would have wished for a "18+" rating or something of similar kind, before reading.
I see quality in this and in your writing style. I also feel confused, but with a piece set up in a way like this one, that is to be expected.
Thanks for the feedback. It's a piece of a work in progress. So there is no background which would leave any reader confused. I took the piece I like the most because I am hoping to use it in a second project that will have cards or a TCG incorporated somewhere. This story introduces one of the preliminary antagonists and will explain his nature as such.
That is pretty much the only sexual part in the first 3 chapters. I don't want it deemed as erotic but I do want the reader to scratch there their neck/head at little and think a lot on what may happen.