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You Know Your GM's Evil When... - Printable Version

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You Know Your GM's Evil When... - DerVVulfman - 02-24-2016

Trust me guys, I didn't come up with this.
I got this from a website while searching for RPG Humor.



You Know Your GM's Evil When...
by Gamewyrd

  1. His dice have the souls of past players trapped inside them.
  2. The white dragon you have been attempting to kill is really an albino red dragon.
  3. He spends too much time looking at this list.
  4. He gets out an artbook by H.R. Giger "for atmosphere".
  5. They keep all the good munchies for themselves.
  6. Your dreams are haunted by the sound of his dice rolling.
  7. You get arthritis in your wrist from rolling up PCs.
  8. Every shopkeep is a retired 20th level character that will attack at the smallest provocation.
  9. He matter of factly states "between sessions, your characters have been off in a foreign land killing beggars and poor people for fun".
  10. You find a deck of many things with 1(one) card left, and she's smiling.
  11. He starts rolling dice just to make his players nervous that something is going to happen.
  12. Your DM has a huge pile of blank character sheets & asks you to fill in 10 new characters.. Just to be on the safe side.
  13. He puts you in an easily escapable deathtrap and then explains all his plans to you.
  14. He buys 20 extra dice just for tonight's adventure.
  15. His kobolds know karate.
  16. Atomic bombs detonating near by are the least of your worries.
  17. She spends hours refining her critical fumble tables.
  18. They look at you, look at their notes, repeat the process, then get a scary look on their face and burst out in hideous laughter just before your gaming session is to begin.
  19. Your codpeice suddenly animates and attacks its neighbors.
  20. A year spent fighting your way out of the 2759th layer of the Abyss is a good year.
  21. Your first level wizard always falls over and kills themselves.
  22. He tells you your character has to be a wizard in a realm with no magic.
  23. He uses a "special" -- loaded -- d20 for rolling critical threats.
  24. You walk through the door a orge cuts your head off with his cluba sharp club.
  25. Your whole party is killed off in one session in the undead city. Your new party arrives and you are attacked by all your old charactersnow undead!
  26. His notes occupy as much space as the entire encyclopaedia brittanica, and thats just the traps.
  27. Your GM has the habit of ordering a pizza and chowing down without giving you any, and then making reference to your character as a slab of pepperoni as your character is torn limb from limb and is eaten.
  28. He sprouts horns and appears before you weilding a pitchfork.
  29. When, to get him away from the Monster Manual, you have to exorcise him.
  30. The random name generator on your computer begins to repeat itself.
  31. Political adventures are complicated by doppelganger assassins.
  32. An entire volcano is collapsing on 1st level players. while they fight of thousands of goblins.
  33. He comes up to you before the game session with a smirk on his face and says "Remember the ten dollars you owe me".
  34. The NPC cleric of the party heals you by hitting you with her mace.
  35. He bans munchies from the game.
  36. While you are sewing you prick your self with a soul sucking needle.
  37. After he kills off your PC's he goes after your family next.
  38. All the light bulbs in the room explode when she opens her notes.
  39. The angry gold dragon has a friend.
  40. Saying his name out aloud is considered unlucky.
  41. He signs himself 'The Evil GM'.
  42. She starts wearing mirror shades just so you can get a glimpse of which page of the MM she's looking at.
  43. A pair of wizards, level 8 and level 9, working as a team, come across a mithril sacraphogas and decide they'd rather not check for treasure.
  44. The players develop nervous twitches.
  45. She turns up to sessions with THAT smirk.
  46. He clones the Tarasque in order to breed more of them.
  47. He starts the session with, "Okay, this may hurt a little, but it will all be over in a second."
  48. Anything you try and kill ends up being "unique".
  49. The monster manual makes him laugh.
  50. You find voodoo dolls of the players in with his dice.