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Federal Bureau of Instigation - kyonides - 01-16-2023
Federal Bureau of Instigation
by Kyonides
Chapter One
The Takeover Finally Revealed
Rain. Who cares about it, right people? Well, he cares. Deeply. As much as to keep him yelling at it for an hour or so while walking around his office, full of papers and photographs. The guy could wear out his own carpet if he keeps doing that for another year for sure. He is a real weirdo, don’t you think?
Finally, he leaves the place after carefully locking the door. Quickly he realized he had left his badge inside and opened the darn door and drew near his desk to pick it up. That simple mistake he made pissed him off. Guaranteed.
“This cannot continue the way it is now. We got to put an end to his mischief immediately or else our beloved nation will suffer the dire consequences of his insurrection” Agent Trickster uttered during his most recent “speech” at the FBI headquarters in DC.
Just in case you did not know this, there was a painting of a fox hanging close to our beloved speaker.
Basically, his audience was composed of fellow agents having several cups of coffee in a row. Who else would listen to such a lunatic? Fine, you got me. Anybody who had watched that famous TV series in the nineties would have paid attention to his utterances just because. Also add all those people that for no specific reason call a former president an idiot because reasons do not matter anymore there.
“And how are you supposed to solve all of the problems of our nation, Agent Trickster?”, Lurker inquired of his colleague.
No, it was not easy to answer such a question at all. Why would it ever be? It had been excessively easy to keep criticizing the established world order, but replacing it with a new order, where his vision for the future would be successfully implemented, was another story. Wasn’t it?
“I’m glad you asked, Agent Lurker, I’m truly am”, the plotter reacted. “We have no reason to do all the hard work ourselves. Instead we will hire somebody else to do it for us. Money doesn’t matter here, we can always count on our own lobbyists in the Capitol. Thus, we’ll let this guy uncover all of our person of interest’s skeletons that he has been hiding in his closet until now.”
“Nice idea, buffoon!”, a dissenter made his own remark out of the blue. “And which department will get the cut? Maintenance? IT? The cafeteria? You name it!”
“Ha, ha, Agent Mockingbird”, the proposer commented filled with disgust. “Just for you to know, we’ve count on very friendly allies both in Congress and the Senate that will ensure we get all the extra money we’d ever need for our enterprise.”
“First get your butt over here, Trickster!”, another coworker cried out loud. “The meeting is about to start with or without you, loser.”
People there could not understand how one conscious and motivated agent was trying not to fix the whole world but his own nation. They still needed some convincing for sure.
“Gotcha, guys!”, Trickster stated. “If results is what you need the most, that’s what you’re gonna get from me and then you’ll know that I’m the guy that should lead the team that will kick him out from power… for good.”
Several of the few agents still present there chuckled when he made that promise, one that he could never keep no matter how hard he would work for the agency in the next couple of years. In fact, they showed no respect for him. For instance, one of them was skillful enough as to placed a sticky note on his back saying “Kiss This Rebel’s Butt!” without him ever noticing it.
The supervisory agent in charge of the next case stepped into the medium sized conference room he had previously reserved. He stopped for a brief moment only to carefully read that note on Trickster’s back and simply made a face as if he had already bought that story without even thinking it twice. Then he went all the way to the empty whiteboard.
“Guys, I don’t have to treat you like little girls, right?”, the boss spoke. “So let’s get straight to business. We’ve got a hostile situation in Maryland where a mock of a joker using the alias of Cheesie James is threatening pizza guys or even the local restaurants by telling them that they only have three more days to send their online payments to the suspect’s offshore accounts. All of them should be made in a pretty much unknown cryptocurrency, the Skipcoin.”
Trickster took his seat across the room after the current case had caught his attention against all odds.
“Wait a second!”, he suddenly demanded. “Cheesie James… Where have I heard that alias before? Was it in a local newspaper? Or was that news headline linked to that infamous terrorist cell that sparked an uproar among the journalists and their guest commentators?”
“Actually, that’s for you all to find out!”, the boss roared. “Now get your coats and take the cars for we’re now headed to Baltimore, like it or not.”
The loudmouth was making his own calculations and noticed that they would need to get three cars in order to transport all of the men to that city.
“Oh and don’t let Agent Trickster get the driver’s seat at all costs!”, the supervisory agent commanded.
Awesome, he had quickly become a commuter…
To be continued... 
...some day! 
RE: Federal Bureau of Instigation - kyonides - 04-15-2023
Chapter Two
Change of Plans
The merry band of federal wackos finally arrived at Baltimore’s Penn Station. I mean, the darn overworked agents did after being stuck in traffic for a couple of hours. It seems like the repairs of the highway went downhill after an idiot hit several construction workers in a terrible car accident. These agents could not care any less about that.
The people got off the four cars they had parked close to the station. Nobody realized that they might be breaking any law or any ordinance because they were the agents after all. Who cares about such petty things when you work for the FBI, right?
“OK, team, here’s what we’re gonna do from now on”, special supervisory agent Davignon told them with his careless attitude. “You all pretend that you’ve just started investigating one of Cheesie James’ rivals after committing any crime that comes up off the top of your head.”
“Done, boss!” agent Trickster replied at once.
“Err, sorry to burst your bubble, rookie, but you’re definitely not joining them this time”, the special agent told our suspicious character right then.
“What’s the problem, sir?”, a confused Trickster inquired of him. “I’ve gone through several exhaustive training sessions like they once did, why can’t I play an important role in the ongoing investigation?”
“Seriously, agent Trickster? Do we really need to have that conversation. Again?”, the seasoned investigator asked him with a stern look.
“Couldn’t it be because you never told me why I couldn’t do their job the last couple of times, could it?”, the stubborn subordinate irreverently questioned him.
“You moron!”, the special agent got mad at him. “Can’t you see that this is all about your darn attitude? It’s always been because I can’t ever tell whether you’ll go on a bloodthirsty witch hunt or not. I don’t need any loose cannon in my team, you know.”
“Still, isn’t it our job to hunt them down before they can even hurt anybody else, boss?”, Trickster demanded a serious answer from his supervisor.
“You’re not getting the point, lad”, the special supervisory agent remarked while pointing his infamous doomsday finger at Trickster. “Better learn how to follow my orders right away or else…”
The newcomer had never showed any sign of backing off or being a chicken wuss ever before, yet, this time his spine truly got frozen.
After his final warning, agent Davignon still had something to tell to his unruly agent, “And don’t ever forget what I’m about to tell you now, rookie! It’s my way or the highway, compris?”
Trickster really thought it sounded sort of old fashioned, like directly stolen from a cowboy movie. Except for the French term he used at the end. Nonetheless, it seems that the blockhead really got the memo this time. We will see how long this new attitude of his will actually last.
“For the time being, you’re gonna enter that darn boring photocopy shop across the street and start making all sorts of questions about this fella on this low quality picture”, the leader stated clearly to his agent. “Oh and have fun! He, he!”
To be continued...