Our Beloved Brainless Powerhouse - Printable Version

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Our Beloved Brainless Powerhouse - DerVVulfman - 05-23-2023

Trust me guys, I didn't come up with this.
I got this from a youtube video recounting pen-n-paper RPG stories.
Unfortunately, no names were attributed.

Our Beloved Brainless Powerhouse

I have been a DM for some time and playing within a party on and off, and my friends knew it.  They liked hearing some stories about the campaigns I ran, me wondering why they never bothered to play if they were so interested.  Well, one of them asked if I ever had to deal with any crazy, out-of-balance characters.  Immediately, one just came to mind.

That would be Zull, our Half-Ogre barbarian. Strength of 25 but an Intelligence score of 5... Basically a walking extrema ration to be pointed in the general direction we wanted - strength of a mountain but only half as smart.

The one thing to know about the player rollplaying Zull: he's been forged in the fire of a thousand LARP (or Live Action Role Playing) sessions, and has no qualms in saying goodbye to a character, but he will always roleplay his character and the corresponding stats to a T... even if it means doing something insanely moronic.

So we're in this dungeon, right? And some clues seem to point out to the fact that a section of the caves, judging by the very realistic statues and the chicken-like footprints, had become a nest for a murder of cockatrices.

Zull scouts ahead.

Zull spots the nest of cockatrices, and it's chock full of monsters.

Zull cannot distinguish between a cockatrice and a chicken.

Zull has a craving for chicken tenders.

Zull charges into the next bellowing "TASTY CHIMKIN!"

We were level 3, with no access to anything that could de-petrify our Half-Ogre. And when we actually did, the Half-ogre's soul was long departed from this world. The only thing we could do to justly honor that poor sod's memory was to put his body in a place where it could be honored promptly.

Now our topiary garden is enriched by the statue of a hulking man-beast trying to twist the neck of an invisible chicken.

Now we've been asked many times by the Constable of Fordsgrave to add a Cockatrice sculpture, for context. But we feel that Zull would like it better if the depiction of his idiotic demise a little more metaphoric.

The cockatrice is not pictured, just like Zull's idiocy. But you can intensely feel both of them as a reminder that when the idiot crosses the road and finds a chicken, sometimes they both end on the "other side".