Why Evil Is Sexy

[Kaos Tenshi]

Why Evil Is Sexy
by KaosTenshi

Why do people love evil characters? What is it about Sephiroth and Kuja that make girls melt? While the silver hair and drop-dead looks help, there’s something else about evil that people are attracted to. For this article I’ve called upon the help of several original characters of mine. After all, who writes evil like I do? So from this point on, the article will be told in the third-person perspective.

*POP*

“Whoa, that was weird,” Kaos said, looking around the auditorium as she stood on the Article Stage, “It’s kind of like the ultimate out of body experience. Like I just got ripped out of my body and am currently watching myself, and yet somehow some part of my soul remains tethered to this mortal shell as if-”

“Are you going to introduce us or not?” a voice grumbled from behind the curtain. A sweat drop came to Kaos’s forehead as she looked over, saying, “Alright, come on out guys. Ladies, gentlemen, those who fall into neither category… People of Gaming World, I present to you my cast of evil. Ladies first, we begin with Keres, the manipulative, cunning, underhanded, purple-haired demoness of eX Machina.”

A woman walked out on stage dressed in ornate red and gold samurai armor, flicking a strand of purple hair aside to the hair that hung over the right side of her face.

“Next, we have Vicious, the evil and slightly odd pseudo-villain of Ethereal Quest,” announced Kaos, motioning to the other side of the stage as a bluish-silver haired man walked out, straightening his gray coat. He looked at the audience of article readers and said, “Sure are a lot of ugly people here… Ahem. I am not a villain technically; I am an anti-hero. Secondly, I am not ‘odd’.”

“Sure,” mumbled Kaos, “In any case, we’re here to discuss what makes evil so sexy. Who wants to begin?”

“That’s simple,” said Vicious, “It’s in the temptation. The players, like their ‘good-guy’ characters, know that they’re up against someone who is bad and evil, and doing just plain wrong stuff… But it’s forbidden fruit, loving that which they can not have.”

“I disagree,” cut in Keres, “I believe it has to do more with the uniqueness of characters, and the depth. No villain is a good villain without a good back story to explain why they are what they are.”

“Bah! Villains don’t need sob stories!” Vicious yelled, “We’re evil, and evil is unique. It sets us apart from the dull, boring heroes.”

“So why is it so often that the villains bare an attraction to a hero?” asked Kaos, looking at the two of them, “Or stranger yet, in the case of Vader-Skywalker Syndrome, how can someone so cool and evil spawn such a goodie-two-shoes?”

Both Vicious and Keres looked away to opposite sides of the stage, replying simultaneously, “How the hell should I know?”

“Well, tell us a little about your self, Vicious,” said Kaos, flipping through pages in her notepad, trying to refresh her memory about the characters. He shrugged and replied, “Not much to tell, really. I’m handsome, charming, and when I’m not trying to kill the heroes I’m usually pulling their butts out of whatever mess they’ve gotten themselves into.”

“And why would that be?” asked Keres. Vicious shrugged and scratched the back of his head, looking away to conceal his red face and said, “Obviously because if they died, I wouldn’t have any reason to be evil anymore.”

“Really?” asked Kaos, looking up from her notepad, “I thought it was because you’re in love with Ae-OW!”

Vicious had firmly planted his boot into the side of her head and was now grinding his heel into her scalp. He crossed his arms, giving her another good kick before looking to Keres and said, “Alright, you’re up… Tell us about yourself.”

“I am the artificial construct of the god-machine Deus-X, and I have lived for over a millennia,” she replied, interrupted by Vicious as he choked out under his breath, “*cough*Miang*cough*…”

“Silence,” she hissed, “I am charged with the duty of seeking power points in the earth for Deus-X to draw his energy from, and ultimately a location where the Earth’s crust is soft enough for him to break through and reach the surface, to take over the life forms that he created at the dawn of life on this planet.”

“Yes, but how does that make you evil?” asked Vicious, stepping off of the squished and ‘tenderized’ Kaos. Keres put her hands on her hips and replied, “When the ‘heroes’ choose to fight me, I prefer not to waste my time with them. I instead manipulate them… tempting their ally, Kreszenz, into fighting against them and ultimately slaughtering Tokoyo, Song Mei, Sera, and Ashina in the most bloody and violent ways imaginable, successfully breaking the spirits of the small party left remaining.”

“Had you done your job right, there wouldn’t be a party remaining,” Vicious said, smirking at her. Kaos piped up, flipping a page in her notebook and saying, “And it says here that after a millennia of loneliness, you befriended a human man, fell in love with him, and then you mothered Ekhidna, the game’s heroine and have been unable to bring yourself to kill her ever since she started fighting against Deus-X.”

“Silence!” snapped Keres, rendering Kaos unconscious once more with a good kick to the head. Vicious let out a roar of laughter, cackling, “Your daughter is the game’s goodie-two-shoes?! Oh, now that’s just sad!”

“What right have you to laugh?” she asked, “You’re the one who’s in love with Aeson.”

“What?” squeaked Vicious, his breath catching in his throat. Keres smirked an evil smirk and said, “Certainly an interesting name for a woman. Oh wait, now I see… it does explain why you’re always getting so irritated with Lala’s advances.”

“I get irritated because she’s an idiot!” he yelled, “I don’t go for dumb women!”

“Or women in general,” she mumbled back. Before he could reach out to throttle her, he was nearly knocked over by a bruised, blue-haired angel latched onto his waist.

“Why are you still conscious?” he asked Kaos, “What are you? You’re not human!”

“We all know what really makes evil men sexy,” she said, smiling up at him, “Long hair and lots of it! …Especially silver.”

“I’m guessing she didn’t hear any of our conversation,” Keres noted, watching as Kaos nuzzled Vicious’s tummy. He drew his sword and swung it down on Kaos’s head, then pouting when he realized her skull broke his sword. He then used it to try to pry her off, to no avail.

“Well, now that we’ve reached the answer that long, pretty-boy hair is what makes evil men sexy, that brings us to the conclusion of this article,” she said, only tightening her grip around his waist. He pouted when his sword broke off at the hilt and tossed it aside, now trying to kick her off as he explained, “Let’s get one thing straight… I’m not.”

“Well what makes evil women sexy?” asked Keres, only to hear Kaos reply, “Who cares?”

Keres stared, watching Kaos try to drag Vicious off of the stage. She cleared her throat and looked out to the audience, saying, “This concludes the article. I will not be signing any autographs, because I’ve already given you all autographs in the parking lot… on your cars… with a key.”