Short Jokes
04-05-2012, 10:46 PM
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Quotes
You shoulda gone to China. You know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.
... And then the Prince Knelt Down and tried to put the Glass Slipper on Cinderella's Foot by Judith Viorst
I really didn't notice that he had a funny nose.
And he certainly looked better dressed up in fancy clothes.
He's not nearly as attractive as he seemed the other night.
So I think I'll just pretend that this glass slipper feels too tight.
The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done,
we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change.
So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger,
but in wisdom, understanding and love.
Jennifer Edwards
"The Christian system of Religion is an outrage on common sense" -- Thomas Paine
"The Hocus Pocus phantasy of a God, like another Cerberus, with one body and three heads, had its birth and growth in the blood of thousands and thousands of martyrs." -- Thomas Jefferson
"Reality sucks Thats why I play Hungry Hungry Hippo"
"So... what if i had a siamese penis?"
"My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes."
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
You know, if a mere human was mentally split into three personas like your god he'd be in an insane assylm right?
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
The attack on women's reproductive rights has nothing to do with life and everything to do with trying to put women back in their "place"
"you can always tell what kind a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you" --- Audrey Hepburn
The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend personal God and avoid dogma and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things natural and spiritual as a meaningful unity. Buddhism answers this description. If there is any religion that could cope with modern scientific needs it would be Buddhism. (Albert Einstein)