How is this battle theme and need help "Phrasing"

[MetalRenard]

WARNING this is a long post with lots of information and analysis. It might take a bit of work to absorb it all so take your time.

It was DerVVulfman who said something about phrases in your music. :)

Analysis
I'm going to start with analysis of another song to show you what to look for when you make your own stuff. After that, I'll talk specifically about your track.

A buddy of mine on Newgrounds provides us with a great example of continuity despite having very different sections in his song:
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/544290
Do not compare his work to your own, he's an experienced composer with very good tools (EWQL specifically, they charge hundreds of $ per piece of software). I'm showing you simply from the perspective of composition and arrangement.

What do you notice about his approach to writing music that's specific to this case? I'll tell you and highlight key words you may want to learn more about later...
a) He builds on each section within itself so even before a change there has already been progression, therefore the change is to be expected. Music is all about creating expectations and following through or not following through with them. Progression, evolution, expectation.
b) He gives himself a lot of tools to work with - different melodies playing at any one time to compliment each other as well as a rhythm. Polyphony, musical complexity.
c) He works on transitions between each part of his song so they flow from one to the other. Transitions.

Bringing it back around
Now the reason DerVVulfman feels each section is a separate song to be built upon
is because of those three aspects.
Your ideas are solid, they work, don't worry about what you've already done. On top of that you're young and you haven't done this much yet so it's completely 100% normal! We've all got to start somewhere so don't ever be down on yourself even if you read criticism. Especially here on SP, we like to help, not rub people's noses in the dirt. :)

Solution time! What you need to do is give yourself these tools to work with! Start a new project and think about the ideas I'm offering you when you write something.

Step 1: Building a foundation
You need to have something that is consistent throughout your music. This can be a melody, backing, rhythm, drum beat, you name it... So, in your song how about if you introduce an extra element that can play this roll? You have one in the intro but it disappears after!
Try and introduce, for example, a bass-line riff. I'm sure you've heard of those before, riffs are small patterns played over and over by an instrument such as a guitar or bass. They help create structure and continuity as well as a foundation for the rest of the music.
At first, keep it simple! Have this bass play one note per bar but with a consistent rhythm.
Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdArYKpnkKc (example is my own work but simply because I know them well and it's easy to find examples in them).
Listen to the bass, it plays the same note over and over but in a rhythm. It supports the track by providing a foundation.

Step 2: Learn your instruments
We'll talk about this later once you've mastered step 1! I'll continue to help you in this way if you like. :)

EDIT:
If you want me to continue I'll make a thread with a full-blown tutorial on getting started with composition. I feel like writing one. :)