10-05-2009, 06:32 PM
Guardian,
I really really like your rhyming schemes, even though you think them strange. You use questions a lot, which makes your poetry more conversational and I like that. Even though you don't like it, I am going to offer 2 (that's all I found!) suggestions:
1. In clueless, you have
If given the chance, you see,
my only wish
would be that you felt the same for me.
It might sound better if you made it
If given the chance, you see,
my only wish would be
that you felt the same for me.
Be rhymes with see and me. Just a thought :D
2. My secret world is by far my favorite, however, the end doesn't rhyme. Maybe saying:
when I decide to take you with me
Just some thoughts. They are epically good nonetheless! Keep up the good work!
I really really like your rhyming schemes, even though you think them strange. You use questions a lot, which makes your poetry more conversational and I like that. Even though you don't like it, I am going to offer 2 (that's all I found!) suggestions:
1. In clueless, you have
If given the chance, you see,
my only wish
would be that you felt the same for me.
It might sound better if you made it
If given the chance, you see,
my only wish would be
that you felt the same for me.
Be rhymes with see and me. Just a thought :D
2. My secret world is by far my favorite, however, the end doesn't rhyme. Maybe saying:
when I decide to take you with me
Just some thoughts. They are epically good nonetheless! Keep up the good work!