Plot/Story opinions

[Chukkaque]

I've been chatting with a couple people one IRC and they suggested I share the plot of my project to get some feed back, so I want to hear what you guys think. Ask any questions you like. I personally like the story and the plot and as a writer we've been working on and finished many stories over the last years. We started at 14 and refined many of them and decided we want to show them to people. I created "Project Dream" as an outlet for this. You get a taste of many of our stories and characters. This way if people like it and want another one from us we can find which era/characters people want to see more of.


You travel through various worlds, ensuring that the "Creator's" plan go as carried out and are fulfilled.
If you fail, their destiny will become your own and you will be forever trapped in their destiny.
As you finish stories and visit worlds you unlock various heroes and villains as well as neutral characters
that exist through the eras.
You can create any team and visit the full world of each era.
When you fight the creator/final boss you are awarded with the mastery of saving his prophecy.
When you get the "secret ending" you learn that everything you thought you did was nothing. You
didn't actually help his prophecy but watched it play out.
The creator has been teaching you how to do this, giving you examples of what worked, how things
changed, and even with his power things could slip out of his hands. This whole time you've been apprenticing under him.
Afterwards you are awarded with your own world and you are the creator there, to create your own heroes and stories.

Opinions?

Edit:

Answers to a Q/A from another place that I feel will be normal.

If you fail, their destiny will become your own and you will be forever trapped in their destiny.

Could you write that a little better? It seems either redundant or incomprehensible.

Yes, I can rewrite this.

Who's prophecy? Is the creator a he, it, or she? And if you're referring to the creator, how would fighting him save his prophecy?

The story never states whether they are a he, she, it or anything. I did explain this, which was a bad decision on my part. As you progress through the story you gain access to an area known as the battle grounds where various characters are unlocked. You are allowed to create various teams to your liking and go through each era's full world. When you believe you have devised a team strong to defeat the Creator's Chosen champions(which will be referred to as having a strong enough bond with yourself and the children of destiny). When you defeat the Creator you have proven your knowledge and understanding of what you've learned.

...though thinking about it now. I think I will change it so that the player finishes the prophecy and gains the original prize. Afterwards which will unlock the Creator as an optional final boss for the secret ending.

We already know we are an apprentice why are you telling us that over and over?

I am telling you, the people giving me your opinion, that you are an apprentice. Otherwise in the story you are never told that. You are told you've been brought here to fix the error's that could occur in the prophecy and see them through as intended.

Why/how does he give you your own world, is he just feeling nice or does he use magic?

The reason behind giving you your own world to create is that in the Creator's eyes you've earned the right that he's been given. You've learned, you've practiced and defeated him. He believes you deserve your right to create as he has. So he gives your own world. He created the original world, so he just makes another one and gives it to you.

[Chukkaque]

Alright I want to thank everyone for taking time to read and/or comment with their opinions and ideas. My partner and I have sat down and discussed what we should do with the overall story and how we present it to this community, but more so everyone else.

We decided to put this project on hold. We will do this project at one point, but for now we decided to take a different approach. Instead of starting with "Project Dream" we will be starting with square 1. "The Prophecy." The first story that starts with 3 boys and their adventures through their hometown which soon changes by a man that they've long had as their protector. The game is fairly soft hearted with continual humor. Learning about "The Prophecy" it's importance and what it entails. They learn it speaks of them as Trinet's Heroes and that there is a 4th. They discover that those with evil intent want to get their hands on the prophecy and change it to their liking. This will also speak of its origin, what it was designed to do, and why.

So we thank you guys very much for your opinions and you as always are welcome to voice your opinions and thoughts about the new plot-line. We will be starting work this may.