Conspiracies Retold

[kyonides]

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Conspiracies Retold

by Kyonides

Chapter One

The Magazine and The Board

Did you ever ask you the following question? No, you did not for you usually do not care about silly stuff. You just love to visit the forum and download as many ZIP files, scripts and screenshots as you can find there. Admit it, you are guilty of not partaking in the usual board’s activities.

But what the hell is that question all about? Why do I always forget to formulate it? That is an easy one, folks. I never tell you what it is because you would prefer to ignore it. Even so I will tell you all I know about that fateful event, right here, right now. Get ready for this shocking revelation, guys! Or go buy some popcorn first, if deemed necessary.

I Fred, now working part time for Conspiracies Retold magazine, know nothing about how the board became an actual forum and not just another forgotten bulletin board. Honestly, I was not even a full member back at those early days of the global maker scene. Yet, I have got lots of informants and tons of threads where to search for such vital data. No, I do not expect you to believe me at first, still, you will do it once you overanalyze what I have to tell you today. I am pretty sure you are going to love it.

Let us begin with one of my favorite forum conspiracies now. I got to warn you it is filled with strong pain, an insane dose of sadness and injustice, of course.

Lani’s Destiny

Every so often you might see how she posts a new update on her current project, the very same one she started a few years ago when it was totally free and even included ripoffs here and there. Those were good times indeed, if you do not care about copyright but just game making. I mentioned it because its development has been halted even for months on several occasions. Here is why that ever took place.

Someone close to her, I will not reveal that person’s identity for privacy reasons, had a car crash and was in need of some extra help. That meant Lani had to work like a slave to attend this individual who had been suffering like never before in his or her life. About the rest of our friendly octopus cap wearing lady’s story I can only say you better go ask her all of your questions after you treated her to some chocolate or her favorite pizza.

Now we better focus on that part of her life even she ignored up to this very same day: the reason why she had to endure all of those sorrowful moments.

This is difficult to admit for Kyonides because he does not want to blame anybody else for her sad days that she was too busy as to be able to keep developing her game. And he is right to think it twice. Why would you accuse a friend of yours of committing a heinous crime as that car crash? In his case it is harder than usual due to the curious fact that his little friend cannot defend himself at a   court. You see, we are talking about a minuscule mouse here, namely the adventurous Cheesie James and his crazy anecdotes.

Actually their story began long time ago when he had uploaded several graphical resources under his online nickname, the very same one I will not disclose here for obvious reasons. He simply forgot to tell her and anybody else where did he find them in the first place. As an RXP engine lover, he was unable to prevent himself from posting them on the board.

Sadly, his real life projects did not offer him a chance to leave a healthy warning telling them not to include them if they were going fully commercial. Take in consideration we all are living beings and we tend to leave out some details every so often so do not be so harsh on CJ, please. Seriously, my readers, he has gone through a lot of tough situations as to face your cynical criticism now.

Anyway do not worry, my cyber friends! Lani finally realize that those graphics could not be used legally so she has been working hard on replacing them to the point she hired her own graphical designer. Even so you better become her patron in case you do want her to keep it going for another couple of months. By the way, I am not mentioning who is in charge of her game’s new GUI for Kyonides asked me not to do so. He has never revealed why he refused to ever let me reveal it here. Is this good enough as to be called food for thought? You tell me!

Kyonides and His Smileys

There is a weird rumor about how did a scripter got inspired in such a way as to make about one hundred and seventy smileys using GIMP only. Please admit it now, there is no reason to link scripting with common icons or emoticons and the like. Wrong! There is one now that I think about it. Let us call it boredom. Yes, boredom.

Who would not get bored of picking the same old emoticons over and over again? Err, he did. And nope, he did not rely on some newcomer who might happen to be an expert on graphical design. So how exactly did he manage to produce so many icons? There is no mystery about that, he simply chose to mimic ElJol’s bread slice style, he, he.

Oh right! That does not explain why he even made a couple of cyber threat emoticons. Here is what I have found regarding such electronic critters, he did not make them because he felt like it as he first asserted. No, there is more a lot more to tell you about that story! Nonetheless, a few details should suffice to unveil this local mystery.

By the way, he never reduced the size of any actual photograph to the forum GIF file’s own dimensions. He seriously loves to catch and later reproduce the animals’ essence on a virtual canvas a pixel at a time. As much as he loves ramen, meaning he deeply hated that part of his job. Curiously, he did not complain (much) about drawing that infamous bread slice face eating some plain ramen right in front of you, the forumer. Probably he might have thought at some point that making others watch the character eat popcorn or empanadas or even donuts was good enough as his compensation for uploading the noodles inspired one.

Wulfo’s Ascent to Virtual Power

First go and read some official story on how the board was ever founded by his old friend who once sported some crazy Burton’s character that looked quite creepy. Then you will be ready to learn about what actually happened. Do not come back complaining about how different both versions are! I am warning you about how he has been hiding the truth from you.

OK, in his defense I got to say it is not his fault. The poor!? shapeshifter was forced not to expose his true masters. His reason was he hadd been keeping the secret sub rosa, or he is under oath if you prefer to skip all references to good old Latin. Oh no, I am no expert on such ancient languages anyway. I wish I were!

To be honest with you on his behalf, he has already revealed some of the actual facts in an indirect way. He could not stop his pen to write his long forgotten story handling some nasty birds. It is worth reading it while raining (also known as a rain of bullets) is pouring down in case you DO hate chickens or those winged beasts that do not know when to stop blabbing. You will agree with me once you notice the book is exaggerating the role of their lead characters on purpose.

Wait, my dear friend! If you think that was all, you better stop watching old cartoons right now. He has got another set of masters: the meowing kittens. Well, at this point many of them are full grown cats. Just go ask Good or Evil about how many times he has been fooled to do their feline bidding!

Before I make any further revelations, we better start discussing another interesting topic.

Melana the Sleepy Girl

You cannot even imagine how much I wanted to reveal everything about her. To my dismay I got to realize sooner than later it was becoming impossible for your servitor to unmask her. No matter what I did she remained an unexplained board’s mystery.

We only know a few details about Mel like her natural tendency to fall asleep and start dreaming about pretty much anything weird. She ignored all of my private messages asking her for any explanation or clue that could let us find the truth about her dreams.

At this point we can only speculate that she has been under a very expensive medical treatment to make her become a cat girl hybrid one day. Yet, I cannot guarantee that is her case for Melana’s private records are off limits, and the saddening fact her lawyer refused to ever call us back to discuss anything concerning her dreams.

Fear not, folks! We did find out something about our friend. Actually we learned she has a dark side indeed. Her dream world alter ego is dangerous according to CJ the mouse. Well, we could suspect he is afraid of her feline nature. I conclude he definitely is after reading one of Kyonides’s stories that handles their trip to another world devoid of high technology and how there were two different Melanas at the same place for a brief period of time. And yes, one of them got a tail!

Conclusions

Lani’s friend was not the only victim, Cheesie James was one as well. You see, he was trying to defend himself from a nasty cat called Princess Patches. They had been fighting for quite some time when they got under somebody’s car and broke some parts here and there. The innocent mouse totally ignored the owner would later drive off to his workplace, causing an accident by hitting her friend’s car unwillingly.

Now you have learned the actual reason why nobody wanted to denounce him as a saboteur. The local Rodent Council would certainly prefer not to get involved in his case and offer no legal support to that poor member. He would then depend on some foreign lawyer like a penguin or sloth that would entirely ignore his social background and the council’s secret agenda.

Luckily, the driver had a bad attitude so any cop would rather prefer to arrest him than to go after our tiny hero CJ. This does not mean that no canine agent ever suspected other animals might have been involved in this disturbing case. This magazine attempted to reveal this agent’s identity to no avail. We suspect the sergeant or captain was protecting his or her identity after getting involved in several terrible cases as of late. Time will tell…

As a bonus, you should know Patches is no actual princess but an agent of some feline institution that loves to remain secret for the time being.

Concerning Kyonides’s situation, he once admitted that he had been threatened by some smiley at some point. Who would not fear it? He informed him that it would exterminate him some day if he ever discriminated robots and cyborgs! At the same time somebody asked him about the former criminal dressed like a cat. The scripter answered “She was furiously claiming it was unfair how I had two bats and a single feline representative only!”

Parakeets! Yes, those are some of Wulfo’s masters! His weird story is nothing but his furry way to tell us how crazy they are as to attack some place only to persuade any individual from ever disappointing them by pressing charges against them.

Why would they care about a vegetarian werewolf? Well, he is a witness so draw your own conclusions!

Here is a second but final bonus! Based only on rumors spread by A Short Odyssey’s developer, we have learned that Melana surely looks as if she deeply loved to be evil or playful by nature and planned to run a bar or tavern at suspicious location. Her products would not be restricted by any local or national or even international purity level laws as her very own way to please her shady patrons’ taste.

To be continued depending on the CEO's mood...