Conspiracies Retold

[kyonides]

Chapter Four

Candidate Trickster

This is an extremely rare occasion, dear readers of the Conspiracy Retold magazine. Seriously, we managed to get an interview with a shady politician that you might end up loving after reading this issue. Yes, it is the infamous Trickster who is currently running for Kustom Town’s mayoral office.

Reporter: First of all I want to thank you for coming today, Trickster.

Candidate Trickster: No problem, I’m here to satisfy people’s curiosity for it’s their right to know who I am and why I’d become their next mayor any time soon.

Reporter: Wow… What a positive attitude indeed! Anyway, let us begin this special interview with our audience’s opinion of you as an outsider in the political arena.

Trickster: Excuse me, there’s something I’m in need of correcting at once for clarity’s sake. I’m not exactly a newcomer. Most people ignore that I had helped the Democrat Party defeat Bush Sr. back in the day by coming up with methods to convince voters not to trust him ever again. And kaboom! He got no second term ever!

Reporter: So you are admitting right here and right now that you influenced the results of those elections. Is that correct!?

Trickster: You know, I hate to repeat myself so let’s just say I did.

Reporter: Amazing… Truly amazing, if we ever manage to confirm it.

Trickster: That uncaring statement offended me deeply but I’ll forgive you for I know that you will soon realize you’ve made a terrible mistake by casting unfounded doubts on my achievement here.

Reporter: No, no. You got it wrong. It’s just our duty to contrast politicians’ declaration almost on a daily basis, it was never meant to hurt your feelings.

Trickster: Your words don’t sound really convincing, yet, I’ll make an effort by trusting in your professionalism for the rest of this meeting.

Reporter: Thank you very much for your kindness, Trickster… Did you hate Bush Sr. by any chance? Why did you help the Democrats?

Trickster: Well, I certainly don’t for we all are part of the same team, fighting for the same basic goals. We all know that it’s in the best interest of the general public to help our own people in times of dire need. Right, it’s a well proven fact that we don’t always agree on the methods we’d pick to make them come true. That doesn’t automatically mean we strongly hate each other, we’re just being quite passionate about serving the people the best way we can.

Reporter: And that is an interesting description of the left and right wings of politics. How do you explain the way Hillary, Joe and Donald have treated each other? They do not look as if they were best pals ever…

Trickster: Come on! Don’t be naive! Where people claim there’s pure evil and hatred, you should only find mere disagreements. Just like in the old Roman circus, they badly needed to keep things alive or else public interest would soon dwindle for they’re unable to realize how important and complex some discussions actually are. You gotta repeat yourself or strike your opponent with the sharpest argument you can think off in order to force them to improve their skills and probably even convince them of stealing some of your own projects. Nonetheless, that’s just an illusion, they’re just realizing there was something in their plan that needed to be replaced with a better alternative.

Reporter: Trickster, I got to tell you that sounds terrific and people would definitely benefit from that perspective of yours. Still, that does not explain what you have been doing as of late while facing a fierce opposition from the other candidates, especially Alex…

Trickster: Alex you say? Please don’t make me laugh now!

At this point we make a break to let him get a sip of his favorite poison that he had bought at Melana’s Lunar Tavern before arriving at our prestigious magazine headquarters. It seemed to have calmed him down a little bit at least. After all we clearly had no intention of driving him crazy at that point of the interview.

Reporter: So did you buy that drink at that witch’s tavern before you left town to honor us with your presence today?

Trickster: First of all I gotta explain to you that she’s a dreamer and yes, I did. Contrary to people’s first impression, one solely based on Alex’s depiction of your servitor, I don’t mind supporting local business at any time. Cheers!

Reporter: There he is once again. Have you got any problems with Alex? Why do you look as if you truly despise him?

Trickster: People, I’ll make it crystal clear now for those who don’t really know him. He is a fool. The fool. Not Donald nor Joe but Alex and no one else on earth. He would sell you all out for a loaf of bread and some butter. Nope, I’m not abusing of a literary figure here, he actually wanted to trade you for such basic goods once.

Reporter: Really? It is hard to believe it right away. Can you prove it, Trickster? Otherwise you might wind up behind bars for…

Trickster: Of course I can. I wouldn’t have made such terrible claims if I weren’t able to prove them to you. Just wait for the next mayoral debate and you’ll learn a lot more of his illegal businesses. You’re gonna get some really big square eyes after being filled in with all the shady details of all of his negotiations and transactions.

Reporter: We will be paying attention to that eye catching event for sure. By the way, we also learned about a joke you made not long ago concerning face masks and…

Trickster: A joke? Who said I was even joking? Really, why would I?

Reporter: You were not!?

Trickster: Oh no, my friend. Let me now tell you that I wasn’t and I’ll never back off. He should wear a face mask for the rest of his lifetime, he’s a moron that doesn’t deserve to be heard by smart people like you. Don’t let him deceive you! He’s got no real opinion of his own, he’s just some real vermin spreading dangerous misinformation all around town.

This was the very same climax of this interview. Our investigative team did not want to look too aggressive at that point as to scare him away but we still felt the need to extract from him as much information as we could ever gather then in order to start our own investigation on these matters.

Reporter: Is he? Can you at least give us a single example of such misbehavior?

Trickster: Can I? Pffft. This is not a matter of being able of doing so, it’s a matter of you being ready to accept the horrible truth in a timely fashion. No, I seriously doubt any of you, including your beloved readers of the Conspiracies Retold magazine, will be able to handle the shocking truth about Alex even after watching the next debate.

Reporter: Even if your words were true, we still need you to throw us some bone we can chew until the mayoral debate finally takes place at the hall.

Trickster: You want one? I’m throwing you a bone right now and it’ll taste quite bitter indeed. The Black Royalty has chosen Alex to become its brainless puppet from the very beginning.

Reporter: OK, would you care to elaborate a bit more on that? Who is this royalty you have recently mentioned?

Trickster: Well, I’m talking about a very secretive group that knowledgeable people like your servitor call the Black Royalty. It actually plans to rule the whole world by screening and selecting their favorite candidates to become the next mayors or governors or presidents or even prime ministers. It’s not you the hard working voters who pick them but they’ve always done it on your behalf for the past two centuries at least. I’m convinced their lackeys even picked the movies you watch at the movie theaters. For instance Dalissa’s Battle Cry, directed by Wulfo and starred by Dalissa herself I think, is one of them, and I’m serious about this. Of course, that werewolf would also release a game based on his feature film later on.

Reporter: That sounds quite unbelievable as to take it seriously even here on Conspiracies Retold magazine.

Trickster: Your loss! This might be one of the most relevant discoveries of all times one day and deniers will pay the bloody price.

Reporter: Right as you wish, Trickster. Why don’t we focus on what brings us here today instead?

Trickster: You know, you’re definitely quite far away from being ready to swallow up any hard truth only thanks to the nefarious Black Royalty and Team Alex’s heavy indoctrination. Even so you might procure to listen to this and keep it in mind for your own good.

Reporter: I am inclined to think that our readers will really appreciate your gesture.

Trickster: Yeah, why wouldn’t they? I’m just the greatest thought leader they’d ever find out there after all and I’m just being modest here. Anyway Fred, I’ve told you all a while ago that I’d throw you a single bone but here’s bonus for your intrigued audience. I can guarantee you that it’s something any of you’d be able to fully understand on the blink of an eye or two.

Reporter: Now I am wondering what your next surprise will look like.

Trickster: Well, here it comes. Alex has already pledged his allegiance to a gang of monsters. Yes, you heard it clearly my adorable voters, to a horde of voracious monsters. That’s the saddening reality, that idiot you once trusted with your whole heart has mercilessly betrayed you behind the scenes. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to forgive him for what he’s done so far. It’s darn unacceptable.

Reporter: There is no way he could do that to Kustom Town. It is his hometown, he loves the place. Why would he contact them in the first place?

Trickster: You’re instantly underestimating him for he usually looks like a fool, walks like a fool and sounds like a fool. I can’t blame you for it, you’ve been blinded by the Kustom Swamp to think he’s totally incapable of committing treachery. Dear readers, please keep in mind that he pretended to be a valiant, skilled, and powerful swordsman before he decided that it was the right time for him to switch to politics without providing us with a good explanation on his sudden change of heart.

Reporter: Now I can tell you it was an incredibly mind blowing revelation.

Trickster: It wouldn’t be a bad time for you all to praise me for finally revealing his ulterior plans, you know. By the way, he didn’t come up with such a terrible plan on his own as you might have imagined by now. That would be impossible for such a blockhead, of course. In fact Alex just followed the Black Royalty’s script to the letter and had kept in touch with those sinister monsters after he had proclaimed that he had exterminated them long time ago.

Reporter: What a traitorous bastard he is! How did you find this out, Trickster? Were you afraid of becoming his target at any given time?

Trickster: He, he. I know you’d desperately love to hear more about this stuff, yet, I’m afraid to tell you that I do need to keep the best of it and the detailed explanations for the debate.

Reporter: It makes a lot of sense to me. Well, that would be all for this number, my friend Trickster. Thank you for coming today and illuminating us with your grandiose presence here at Conspiracies Retold headquarters.

Trickster: You’re all welcome, my faithful followers and my new partisans. See you all at the mayoral debate! Believe me when I tell you that you’re gonna feel the liberation and ecstasy there, my dear voters and free press!

This article has been brought to you by Save Point’s Fifth National Bank. Your gaming associate at your service. Go open your account today and feel free to partake in the SP Lotto at any time!

To be continued depending on online censorship