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If I wrote some poetry...
#1
this is what it would be. ;)

Clueless
The Shadow Behind Me
Who Thought a Thought?
My Secret World
The cup of a cup of a cup's cup OR Cup O' Wisps
Silenced
Panic
Lost
Soul of Stone
Darkest Comfort
Sallu Nae

My poetry can be a little strange in terms of subject and rhyme schemes, but it makes it uniquely mine. Also, I really don't want to go back and edit any of my poetry. You can make suggestions for future poems, but every time I've tried editing my poetry it comes out worse because it loses the initial feeling. As William Wordsworth said,
Quote:"Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility."
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#2
I've enjoyed reading them all. I especially liked Silenced. The way you ended it with what you started with and I also liked your secret world. Keep up the good writing. It is true though, when you try to revise poetry it doesn't get better because you're not in the moment. It's why I don't revise any of mine either.
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#3
Hmm.... i enjoyed saving them off and stealing them.
yup, nice post!
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#4
Guardian,
I really really like your rhyming schemes, even though you think them strange. You use questions a lot, which makes your poetry more conversational and I like that. Even though you don't like it, I am going to offer 2 (that's all I found!) suggestions:
1. In clueless, you have
If given the chance, you see,
my only wish
would be that you felt the same for me.

It might sound better if you made it
If given the chance, you see,
my only wish would be
that you felt the same for me.

Be rhymes with see and me. Just a thought :D
2. My secret world is by far my favorite, however, the end doesn't rhyme. Maybe saying:
when I decide to take you with me

Just some thoughts. They are epically good nonetheless! Keep up the good work!
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#5
Thanks for the support everyone! I usually don't get a response to my poetry topics so I was beginning to wonder if I was doing something horribly wrong. Laughing

Alpha-Mad:
1. I did that to make "my only wish" stand by itself. It's generally supposed to have more emphasis than the rest of that last section. And technically, it shouldn't make a difference because you're not supposed to break in your head after each line in poetry unless there's a comma or other punctuation there. And I don't like rhyming 3x in a row. It just doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, in my opinion.

2. I actually didn't rhyme at all in that poem. It supposed to be random and unstable. Haha that sounds like such an excuse, doesn't it? XD Your suggestion is actually good, but I've grown to like the poem as it is.
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#6
Added 3 new ones up there, with Sallu Nae being an experimental thing. ;)
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#7
I like Darkness comfort, has a nice flow and context to it. Although "eras" should be "erase" I believe.
As for your experiment, it's interesting because I can tell you are speaking English in the way the sounds are arranged. Interesting concept to say the least!
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#8
Quote:I like Darkness comfort, has a nice flow and context to it. Although "eras" should be "erase" I believe.
0_o oh wow that's a major typo *goes off to edit all his poetry threads*

And yeah I think Sallu Nae was quite interesting. I like to try different things some times and it came out decent enough. :o
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#9
Sallu Nae -

A pact empty of a single compromise
Where two hands can no longer meet.
A symphony of tears
Tangle together in an illuminated darkness.
Though we are uniquely bound together,
Nothing (of our former selves) can remain the same.
A pact empty of a single compromise.

That's what I got from it.

- Jophie
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