My Thai girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn't affect our sex life.
She may be right,but i'd still prefer it if she didn't have one.
I found my nan dead in bed 2day.I was gutted.I put my arms around her and held her,tears running down my face...As i held her i noticed she was naked in her bed!
I got kind of turned on and ended up fucking her....just as i was about 2 cum in her arse she shouted BOO!!!...what sort of sick twisted cunt pretends 2 be dead? 4 fuck sake.
Vodafone security division has been monitoring your phone and would like to kindly remind you that the vibrating unit is not for anal use. So stop!
Between the ages of 16 and 18 she is like africa virgin and unexplored
between 19 and 35 shes like asia hot an exotic
between 35 and 45 she is like america fully explored breathtakenly beautfull and free with her resourses
between 46 and 56 she is like europe exhausted but still has points of interest after 56 she is like australia everybody knows its down there but who gives a dam
The same guy goes into the same bar every night. Orders a drink, drinks it, looks at his pocket for a few seconds, orders another drink and so on. Then after 2 hours, he gets up and leaves.
After a week, the bartender asks him what he's doing. He replies:
"I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I don't go home until she looks pretty."
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Quotes
You shoulda gone to China. You know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.
... And then the Prince Knelt Down and tried to put the Glass Slipper on Cinderella's Foot by Judith Viorst
I really didn't notice that he had a funny nose.
And he certainly looked better dressed up in fancy clothes.
He's not nearly as attractive as he seemed the other night.
So I think I'll just pretend that this glass slipper feels too tight.
The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done,
we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change.
So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger,
but in wisdom, understanding and love.
Jennifer Edwards
"The Christian system of Religion is an outrage on common sense" -- Thomas Paine
"The Hocus Pocus phantasy of a God, like another Cerberus, with one body and three heads, had its birth and growth in the blood of thousands and thousands of martyrs." -- Thomas Jefferson
"Reality sucks Thats why I play Hungry Hungry Hippo"
"So... what if i had a siamese penis?"
"My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes."
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
You know, if a mere human was mentally split into three personas like your god he'd be in an insane assylm right?
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
The attack on women's reproductive rights has nothing to do with life and everything to do with trying to put women back in their "place"
"you can always tell what kind a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you" --- Audrey Hepburn
The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend personal God and avoid dogma and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things natural and spiritual as a meaningful unity. Buddhism answers this description. If there is any religion that could cope with modern scientific needs it would be Buddhism. (Albert Einstein)