12-18-2009, 01:46 AM
I've had an idea floating around in my head for a story I planned to call NYC Mage. My original intentions were to do it in a third-person person perspective with insight into the mind of the main character, but I was thinking about it yesterday and I had an idea. What if I try to make it a collection of monologues? Well, this is what I wrote earlier today and I want to see what others think of it. I'd like your thoughts on the idea of using monologues like this and also any critiques of what I've written so far. Just a warning though: this isn't exactly a happy story.
I still remember the first time I heard the dreaded phrase "soul break". We never hear it outside the magic community and even inside that community it's something that's whispered and hushed. I supposed it's something one born into magic would hear of before being told they have to watch someone experience it. But of course, my idiot parents couldn't even use a telephone, so I wouldn't expect them to fucking handle magic.
Anyone and everyone who wants to be a part of the magic community has to watch someone experience a soul break. In a way, it's an initiation. We're told it's "to prepare us for the harsh reality of what someone might try to do to us", but anyone with a brain knows it's just a scare tactic. The OC is usually the only group who can successfully soul break someone, so their lecture on the dangers are complete bullshit.
The victim was John Andrews. I had seen him around the city once or twice and he was fairly average. In fact, I was incredibly surprised to find out he would be anywhere in the magic community. As with most people who the OC decided deserved a soul break, they read through the reasoning behind their decision. No one wanted to actually watch, but they gave people the opportunity to listen so there wouldn't be questions and couldn't be decisions made without reasoning. I hate laws and politics. But the OC was fair and open and they've always had my respect for that.
The room was simple. It was large, gray, and empty except for a huge stone chair in the center. Two guards struggled to tie John down with chains and magic while a judge read off the accusation to me and one girl who also had to be "initiated".
"John Andrews, registered as an advanced medium, was confronted on October fifth by three humans meaning to rob him of his possessions." John screamed as the guards slammed his feet into the front of the chair. "His action was transferring his visions to all three non-mages, permanently scarring them."
"Those bastards deserved it!" John roared in a demonic voice. A guard waved his hand over John's mouth, muting him.
"For this action, which violates several laws regarding conduct with non-mages and medium-specific laws, John has been sentenced to a soul break. There are no exceptions." With that, the paper in his hand disappeared to somewhere in The Archives.
Translated, that means John snapped. Mediums see both our realm and the realm of spirits. When they begin working for the OC, they are taught to enhance the ability so their mind can enter the spirit realm at will. The things in there...no one wants to be there. But since the spirit realm is tied strongly to magic, the OC offers a lot of incentives to people with the ability. So some take the path, but the end result is always insanity. It's never a question of if; it's a question of when.
I turned to the girl next to me. She was still fairly young - somewhere in her mid teens. I doubted she would handle this well judging from the look on her face.
The guards had finished strapping John down. Chains that grew from the stone wrapped around him so that no matter how he struggled he couldn't budge. And there were likely numerous spells around them to make sure John couldn't break free or use any abilities.
The judge moved toward John so that he stood directly in front of him. A demon's eyes glared back in protest, then closed as he realized his fate had been decided. The guards hovered their hands over John's shoulders as the Judge grew silent in concentration. The victim's eyes opened slowly and focused on me, standing in the background against my will. In that moment, I wanted to help him. I saw the human - the sorrow, the sadness, the torture he had been through and now the betrayal of the ones who taught him how to succumb to the torture.
I felt the energy coming from the judge as he started to direct it at John. The victim grimaced in pain and struggled against the chains. His mouth opened wide in what would have been a bloodcurdling scream had he not been muted by the guard. The sheer pain I saw in his face made me want to look away. I didn't want to see it. I wanted to turn and run and never look back. But I was frozen in place, watching a man's soul get torn to shreds and listening to a girl sob next to me.
After a few minutes, John stopped struggling. The guards started releasing the chains while he stared at me with empty eyes. The eyes of something no longer human. The judge turned to me and the girl like he had just accidentally squashed a bug. "You may leave now."
I still remember the first time I heard the dreaded phrase "soul break". We never hear it outside the magic community and even inside that community it's something that's whispered and hushed. I supposed it's something one born into magic would hear of before being told they have to watch someone experience it. But of course, my idiot parents couldn't even use a telephone, so I wouldn't expect them to fucking handle magic.
Anyone and everyone who wants to be a part of the magic community has to watch someone experience a soul break. In a way, it's an initiation. We're told it's "to prepare us for the harsh reality of what someone might try to do to us", but anyone with a brain knows it's just a scare tactic. The OC is usually the only group who can successfully soul break someone, so their lecture on the dangers are complete bullshit.
The victim was John Andrews. I had seen him around the city once or twice and he was fairly average. In fact, I was incredibly surprised to find out he would be anywhere in the magic community. As with most people who the OC decided deserved a soul break, they read through the reasoning behind their decision. No one wanted to actually watch, but they gave people the opportunity to listen so there wouldn't be questions and couldn't be decisions made without reasoning. I hate laws and politics. But the OC was fair and open and they've always had my respect for that.
The room was simple. It was large, gray, and empty except for a huge stone chair in the center. Two guards struggled to tie John down with chains and magic while a judge read off the accusation to me and one girl who also had to be "initiated".
"John Andrews, registered as an advanced medium, was confronted on October fifth by three humans meaning to rob him of his possessions." John screamed as the guards slammed his feet into the front of the chair. "His action was transferring his visions to all three non-mages, permanently scarring them."
"Those bastards deserved it!" John roared in a demonic voice. A guard waved his hand over John's mouth, muting him.
"For this action, which violates several laws regarding conduct with non-mages and medium-specific laws, John has been sentenced to a soul break. There are no exceptions." With that, the paper in his hand disappeared to somewhere in The Archives.
Translated, that means John snapped. Mediums see both our realm and the realm of spirits. When they begin working for the OC, they are taught to enhance the ability so their mind can enter the spirit realm at will. The things in there...no one wants to be there. But since the spirit realm is tied strongly to magic, the OC offers a lot of incentives to people with the ability. So some take the path, but the end result is always insanity. It's never a question of if; it's a question of when.
I turned to the girl next to me. She was still fairly young - somewhere in her mid teens. I doubted she would handle this well judging from the look on her face.
The guards had finished strapping John down. Chains that grew from the stone wrapped around him so that no matter how he struggled he couldn't budge. And there were likely numerous spells around them to make sure John couldn't break free or use any abilities.
The judge moved toward John so that he stood directly in front of him. A demon's eyes glared back in protest, then closed as he realized his fate had been decided. The guards hovered their hands over John's shoulders as the Judge grew silent in concentration. The victim's eyes opened slowly and focused on me, standing in the background against my will. In that moment, I wanted to help him. I saw the human - the sorrow, the sadness, the torture he had been through and now the betrayal of the ones who taught him how to succumb to the torture.
I felt the energy coming from the judge as he started to direct it at John. The victim grimaced in pain and struggled against the chains. His mouth opened wide in what would have been a bloodcurdling scream had he not been muted by the guard. The sheer pain I saw in his face made me want to look away. I didn't want to see it. I wanted to turn and run and never look back. But I was frozen in place, watching a man's soul get torn to shreds and listening to a girl sob next to me.
After a few minutes, John stopped struggling. The guards started releasing the chains while he stared at me with empty eyes. The eyes of something no longer human. The judge turned to me and the girl like he had just accidentally squashed a bug. "You may leave now."