37 Ways to Entertain Yourself at the Mall when You're Broke

[DerVVulfman]

Trust me guys, I didn't come up with this.
I got this from a comic about guys playing pen-n-paper RPG games.

37 WAYS TO ENTERTAIN YOURSELF
AT THE MALL WHEN YOU'RE BROKE

1. Ride mechanical horseswith coins fished out of the reflecting pond. (10 points)
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2. Try pants on backward at the Gap®. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. (5 points)
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3. Go to RadioShack® and shriek at the computers saying, "Open the bomb bay doors, Hal!" (5 points)
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4. Stand in a bathroom stall and yell, "Guard?? I want to call my lawyer!" (3 points)
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5. Run up the escalators in the wrong direction. Yell at any one in your way that you have a plane to catch. (15 points)
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6. Go to all the music stores and ask if they have NO DOUBT on 8 track. When they say no, throw a temper tantrum. (20 points)
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7. Go to the pet store and ask if you can hold one of the puppies. Hold the puppy in one hand as if you are trying to estimate it's weight. Then ask, "Do you think he would feed four or should I get two of them?" (30 points)
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8. Stand at the condiment station at one of the fast food places and growl loudly when anyone approaches you. (10 points)
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9. Grab some ketchup packs from a fast food place and suck on them. When someone notices, hold the pack up proudly and announce, "It's astronaut food!" (5 points)
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10. Follow patrons of D. Balton's® around while reading aloud from Dianetics® (40 points)
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11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. (2 points)
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12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black an white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?" (5 points)
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13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears®. (50 points)
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14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning. (25 points)
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15. Test mattresses in your pajamas. (5 points)
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16. Ask the tobacconist if his hovercraft is full of eels (5 points)
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17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side (10 points)
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18. Stand in front of a surveillance camera and do a mime act. (5 points)
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19. Take your laundry to Sears® and place it in one of the washing machines on display. Then drag a lawn chair over to the electronics departmen and watch TV while you wait for the spin cycle. (25 points)
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20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish. (5 points)
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21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda®. (5 points)
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22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone. (5 points)
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23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils and whether there's much meat on them. (10 points)
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24. Go to where all the shopping carts are kept and try to push an entire line of carts (25 or more) around the store. If an employee tries sto stop you explain you have a lot of shopping to do. ([i]50 points)
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25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist. (5 points)
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26. Have the saleswoman at the perfume counter spray a sample on your wrist. Then howl in pain and pretend you are having an adverse allergic reaction (foam at the mouth and violently thrash around on the floor for added effect). When someone comes to offer assistance tell them you need a grape Slurpee™ to offset the reaction. ([i]75 points)
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27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, looking for the 'grey ones'. (5 points)
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28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard. (5 points)
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29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..." (5 points)
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30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps. (5 points)
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31. Play Flight of the Bumblebee on a kazoo for change. (5 points)
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32. Ask the Hamond® organ dealer if he can play When I think about you I touch myself. Ask to sit with him on the bench while he plays it. (5 points)
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33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers. (15 points)
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34. Ask the pharmacist at the drug store which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz". (5 points)
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35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports® whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw". (5 points)
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36. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts. (5 points)
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37. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they have seen this man." (5 points)