02-18-2014, 03:53 AM
It seems nice, but something about the story's a tad off...
hard to put in words but:
"I defeated you with magic, give up now?"
"uhh... ok, but I'll get stronger, and I'll defeat you!" (then reference to the heroes and antagonists of Pokemon)
Seems strange, most people in the position of Dragos(?) would have just killed or severely injure him (Tral) at this point, they'd have to be pretty stupid in their arrogance to not see this as a threat. Then again, it's like Darth Vader not killing his son at a young age to prevent him from growing up with a desire for revenge....
Also, most people don't just stop at the front yelling at the guy to stop grabbing the stone, it's even weirder if the guy doesn't even grab the stone but just move down and just stands there talking boastfully, because then Tral could just charge Dragos right then and there before he could react because Dragos did not grab the stone.
"sorry to break it to you, but there's no way you can defeat me right here"
Albeit true, but if I had power, I would not be expecting my oponents to defeat me at all at anyplace.
But at least it's not start off as the drab and dreary story of a boy off on a quest for power or something. I see something good here...
hard to put in words but:
"I defeated you with magic, give up now?"
"uhh... ok, but I'll get stronger, and I'll defeat you!" (then reference to the heroes and antagonists of Pokemon)
Seems strange, most people in the position of Dragos(?) would have just killed or severely injure him (Tral) at this point, they'd have to be pretty stupid in their arrogance to not see this as a threat. Then again, it's like Darth Vader not killing his son at a young age to prevent him from growing up with a desire for revenge....
Also, most people don't just stop at the front yelling at the guy to stop grabbing the stone, it's even weirder if the guy doesn't even grab the stone but just move down and just stands there talking boastfully, because then Tral could just charge Dragos right then and there before he could react because Dragos did not grab the stone.
"sorry to break it to you, but there's no way you can defeat me right here"
Albeit true, but if I had power, I would not be expecting my oponents to defeat me at all at anyplace.
But at least it's not start off as the drab and dreary story of a boy off on a quest for power or something. I see something good here...
"Turning iron ore into iron swords is a hard process, for one must first dig out the rock, and melt it to refine it, then one must pour that metal into a mould, let it cool a bit, and pound on it while it cools even further. Games are no different." - Ahzoh
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.
Universal Declaration of Human Rights in Vrkhazhian
ʾEšol ḵavud ʾelẕakud lav ʾezʾaẕud zwazaršeru ya lit žalneru lav lit t͛enud. Ṗal sa-ražheru lav raržižu paplam lav ṗal widsaṟam bemaḵu šuku lit ʾeyṭu waẏnilaẇ. All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.