[18+] Title Page for a fan manga I am working on

[Rose Guardian]

Here is a fan manga title page I made in photo shop. I orignally made the manga for my friends only it is based on Nintendo's Star Fox series done in Anime/Manga style. I just want to know if it looks good and what I might have to do improve because I want to put it on deviantart but most people don't even bother looking at my profile and art or even commenting on it. I fear I am not a good artist. Here is my deviantart page so that you can compare it to my earlier stuff if you want too.
http://ky86.deviantart.com/
The manga will be rated mature just want to give everyone a heads up. Also I can't sell it so it is just being made for fun.
Here is the title page. WARNING IT IS A BIG FILE:

Content Hidden

[millarso]

Not bad, but I did see a couple of things.
1) First of all that laser gun/blaster pistol/what-have-you looks rather undetailed compared to everything else.
2) The shading could use some blending in certain areas. I think of the jeans. The stress lines in the jeans are too pronounced and chaotic creating more of a splotch. Try softening the shading so that individual lines aren't so obvious.
3) The aura from the man in the background has a rough sort of outline that looks a might messy. You could maybe try smearing it a little so that it becomes a soft glow?
4) Make sure to pay attention to little things in the body physiology. An example of this is that the man front center (Fox McCloud, I presume) has forearms that are a good deal larger than his upper arms. This is also assuming you were going for a realistic body structure; if not then you can ignore this one entirely.
Sorry, I don't mean to be overcritical. I think it could be pretty good with some fine-tuning here and there, and I consider myself a mite of a drawing snob though I can't draw characters particularly well. Irony.

[MetalRenard]

STAAAAAAAAAAAAARFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX
*dies*
Sorry, had to get that out there.

[millarso]

You had better make Slippy sexy as hell. Also, if the dialog of this manga does not include the words "do a barrel roll", I refuse to acknowledge it. Haha, just kidding... sort of.

[Rose Guardian]

LOL millarso.

I agree I can do a better job with what you said. Also I decided not to put my manga a DA because I don't like their policy about mature content on a few things but that's just me. I would probably just link the manga to the site I am putting it on. Any way millarso thank you for your comments I was pretty much thinking the same things.