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 THE PHRASES A DM COULDN'T BELIEVE HE SAID
#1
Trust me guys, I didn't come up with this.
I got this from a youtube video recounting pen-n-paper RPG stories.
Unfortunately, no names were attributed.



THE PHRASES A DM COULDN'T BELIEVE HE SAID


  • In fact, you cannot fart that much.
  • You want to use ball bearings to trip up... snakes? I will allow you an intelligence check here.
  • ...okay, I'll admit, this is the first time you guys have actually 'stolen' a boss.
  • Your roll to assess bitch level is high enough to tell you she's not that much of a bitch.
  • Explain to me how you intent to sufficiently disguise yourself. You have a tail.
  • Let's have the ladder make a DEXTERITY save.
  • Dropping a moose on the zombies is apparently very effective.
  • Your oiled-up striptease did not bring you closer to discovering who stole the lumber.
  • Your impromptu cheese shop needs a supplier.
  • The duck does not know your father.
  • The hole is not big enough for all these bodies.
  • Once per day bees, I guess?
  • How many cults are you aiming for here, exactly?
  • Given your unique nature, yes you can, in fact, sleep in a Bag of Holding to save on inn costs.
  • You've got an awful lot of swords for a druid.
  • The ghost appears to be dead.
  • Are you hoping they think the deer cooked one of their own and delivered it to them? Like DoorDash?
  • I can't believe he's not butter on the floor.
  • You turn into a polar bear? In the middle of a city? You do realize they only saw a cat, right?
  • You can't figure out how to get out of your room at the inn, so you are going to chop your way out through a wall AT RANDOM?
  • You leave cupcakes outside everyone's doors?
  • You polymorph yourself into an over-muscled KOBOLD? Named SWOLEBOLD? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
  • I'll recap, since it appears half of you have amnesia and half of you have amnesia.
  • No, you cannot take eight-hundred pounds of Twinkies with you into space.
  • So... you want to open the window... of the space station... in space. Well, roll me a new character I guess?
  • You do realize the elven princess you just seduced, in the middle of a mission to 'protect someone else', brought her boyfriend too the room too? Okay... fine.
  • So you're going to disguise yourself... as yourself?
  • So yes... it is possible to become a huge, flying, fire-breathing octopus.
  • Yes, the monkey can, in fact, activate the necklace of fireballs.
  • Okay, so you just used your horse as a cannonball and threw the horse through Strahd and the brick wall behind him. Your horse is fine, but he's very upset with you.
  • Yes, you found vampire bites... on her feet. Our Dracula has a foot fetish, apparently.
  • Roll a deception check to see if your macaroni art sweetened the deal at all.
  • The rock? It tastes like a rock.
  • You have successfully started a disco dance party with the spiders.
  • As you try to steal the chandelier from the moose, the green dragon in the hallway that snuck up on you wants to know what you are doing to Lord Avery.
  • You all watch as this hobbit slams an open palm into the mammoth's head with all of his might, and manages to stop it... in its tracks.
  • (From the Star Wars universe... after some rolls): The Rancor sits down and listens intently while you teach it Adobe Illustrator.
  • So you want to throw the dead body into the bag with all the donkeys?
  • Roleplay amongst yourselves. I've got to look up the terminal velocity of a sperm whale.

Up is down, left is right and sideways is straight ahead. - Cord "Circle of Iron", 1978 (written by Bruce Lee and James Coburn... really...)
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