DMS HATE BARBARIANS

[DerVVulfman]

Trust me guys, I didn't come up with this.
I got this from a website recounting pen-n-paper RPG stories.

DMS HATE BARBARIANS

by Doujima

Well when I started college I jumped in on a game with a bunch of people who had been playing for a semester already, so they let me start my character around their levels, 7. This is my first time playing tabletop, so I pick something I think will be easy and fun, a half-orc barbarian.

Now, I knew about alignment and such, but once again this is my first time playing, so I don’t really know anything about the actual playing of those alignments. But I choose chaotic neutral because it sounds fun.

The rest of the party was a drow paladin of Torm, a chaotic good sorcerer, and a ranger of unknown alignment. He said he wasn’t evil, and the paladin confirmed this, but he was the most greedy non-evil character I’ve ever met. He actually jumped through a column of fire to try to get to a treasure stockpile before the rest of the group… The DM also had two NPCs along with us for help, a rogue of a race no-one could identify and a very quiet cleric.

The campaign was a home-brewed one the DM modified from a campaign he was a player for earlier. He had played the NPC who was in charge of the keep we were staying in most of the time. The plot involved some wizard using stones to control some influential nobles around the area and some very nasty orcs. The wizard is using these forces to try to capture a group of retired adventurers.

As we play, my barbarian quickly becomes the quick acting fool. He has a pitiful wisdom score, so I play this up as well as I can. While we are getting ready, he’s in the bar trying to squeeze some information from some of the locals. He taps a small elf on the shoulder, who quickly proceeds to flip him onto his back, telling him not very politely to screw off.

My half-orc stands up, and I tell the DM I want to grab the elf. The DM looks at me, and reminds me that the elf is covered in knives, and looks quite dangerous. I ask if he is smaller than me, which he says yes to, so I say I would attack. The assassin then evades my grab, floors me again, and tries to cut my throat with a knife. He misses, and then notices that his target is now fleeing the bar, and follows after. Apparently we were supposed to see that assassination as a group, and I’d just screwed up that event. From then on, I’d become the player who would screw up the DM’s plans.

Afterwards we were supposed to guard on of the retired adventurers, a monk who was staying at the monastery in town. We stayed the night, and nothing happened. During the exercises the following morning, one of the nobles being controlled, a sorceress, flew in on a griffin. The DM told us later he wasn’t expecting us to do anything about it, but he let us try anyway.

The ranger and the paladin both fired bows, since the sorceress was out of reach, but I had neglected to buy a bow. So I did the next best thing, throw the paladin’s sword. The paladin objected to that a bit, but I managed to hit the sorceress when they both missed. Knocked her off, which of course ticked the DM off. To ‘fix’ the situation, he claimed she had a levitate spell on, and just floated back up and took off with the monk we were guarding. Now I’m the character who keeps pissing the DM off and likes to throw things that aren’t his.